Monday, October 6, 2014


Doctor Oncologist introduced me to the "transporter room" as I liked to name or call it. It looked to me like a chamber out of a star trek transporter room. 

I would disrobe and replace my clothes with a gown, opened ended at the back. Then, upon entering the room the carbonized table would be located just at the edge of the chamber. The computer would synchronize my programed treatments.  The lights would be blinking as I took my place upon the carbonized table. The technicians would mechanically roll me into the chamber.  I was at that point looking upward at the cylindrical rolling wheel with the proton snoot directed at my torso. At that point I experienced the table being centered precisely again and again until I was perfectly in place and ready for treatment.  

In the chamber there was a blue high definition screen to my left as I entered. The high definition screen would be activated during my treatment. There was a control room hidden from my view where a technician would facilitate the computerized treatment plan formalized previously by the myriad of technicians and I believe specialized Doctors of Proton Therapy, physics, and oncology. 

As I took my place upon the table I would be blocked into a fixed position so as to prevent any sudden movement. Then BOB would be placed in my rectum.  BOB stands for the brotherhood of the bottle. It refers to others who have undergone proton therapy for prostate cancer. Water is placed into the bottle to raise the prostate tissue so the proton beam would derive greater accuracy.  I had an implant of a global positioning marker prior to treatment. The marker was implanted by the prostate to offer greater accuracy upon the proton pencil beam treatment. The proton beam was designed to stop at the prostate tissue and only in a peripheral way touch upon surrounding tissues. 

The bottle took some getting use too. The proton procedure was quite challenging for me since I had difficulty holding water.  I had already be diagnosed with an enlarged prostate which made it quite difficult to hold water. It resulted in frequency of urination. I had to drink water as well prior to entering the chamber. In addition, I had to hold the water in my body until the end of the twenty to sixty minutes for the duration of the two treatments of therapy.  The duration of twenty to sixty minutes for two treatments varied because the technician in the control room was responsible for capturing the proton beam and then administering its healing energy. The snoot would shoot me with the proton beam from below the table and then the cylinder would turn counter clockwise and the snoot would shoot me from above.  The reason for this treatment plan was because I had an artificial replaced left hip.  

Large amounts of water are necessary because of the proton radiation. The water reduces the side effects of fatigue and constipation. The urge to urinate increased and decreased during the treatment process. The holding of the water required great discipline which was facilitated by my expertise of mind over matter control.  I accomplished this mind over matter (need to release urine) for forty sessions and eighty treatments in a period of two months. It is here where the practices in my three books became necessary and proved useful.  I was always able to handle the intensity of emotion because of the practices in my books. In addition I requested that Antonio Vivaldi's Four Seasons be played and piped into the chamber as well.  The sound of the four seasons helped me through the treatments. More later.

Joel V.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

The Cancer Speaks

The cancer is a parasite.  It enjoys being in its host, me.  Since, I practice emotional methodologies like peer counseling, animated laughter with feelings, and primal sound I am in touch with what is occurring in my body. I can feel the parasites presence.  It is an entity of it for it self. It has a self.  It feels and has the ability to communicate with me.  It enjoys growing an eating up its host, me. I can only find ways to end its growth and dissipate its presence within me. 

The power of the proton beam overwhelmed its presence in me.  Just after six treatments, but three sessions of forty planned the tumor begin to speak very loudly to me saying "I do not like this", "Take it away", This is not fun", "Stop It", You are hurting me", "I cannot run away from this", "Please take it away because you are killing me", "Help", I am dying".  

As it was growing in my body.  It said these things, "I am enjoying it here", "I want to keep growing",  I enjoy giving my host pain", "This is fun", "I can absorb more cells and just keep multiplying" 
However, it sure was not fun for me, it was very painful.  More Later.

Joel V.