Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Intimidation - Yet, Another Co-Dependence Cause

Intimidation - Yet, Another Co-Dependence Cause

Those who have had difficult births are also vulnerable to trauma that can be interpreted as intense feelings of intimidation. Infants are very dependent and vulnerable to verbal and physical abuse. Humankind in their formative years (zero to five years of age) are vulnerable to verbal and physical abuse. Women are quite vulnerable to physical and verbal abuse as well. Men are most certainly more vulnerable to verbal abuse than they are to physical abuse (some men would disagree with me). However, all of the previous examples can be experienced as "intimidation".

Intimidation can result in the disease of co-dependency. The four main categories of co-dependency are control, compliance, denial, and low self-esteem. "Pleasers" could have experienced profound intimidation and as a result they cannot help but to give in to, please their intimidators by saying "yes" to individuals who have control issues.

When the intimidation is overwhelming the intensity of the feelings of fear can cause knee jerk reactions that cause a pleaser to agree to whatever the controller asks. It's truly a tough pattern to contradict but the pleaser who is intimidated must find the strength somehow to stand up for themselves. Otherwise, low self-esteem is the result.

Through the methods described in "My Letter to Petra", the co-dependent can find the support, the strength to contradict the disease.

Please check out my website, http://www.idaretoheal.com/, purchase my books "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". Please check out my other website, http://www.healthplansinsandiego.com/ and purchase some medical coverage. I'm MediCare Plan certified with many companies, supplements, advantage plans, and stand alone prescription drug plans. I'm availabe to make presentation on the above subjects. Contact info on my website.

Best

Joel V. BA, Education, BBA, Business Administration, M.A., Master's in Psychology, Human Behavior

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Natural Need for the Hug!

The Natural Need for the Hug!

Today I met a mature women and we discussed the natural need for the hug. She claimed that the pat on the back hug wasn't appropriate. We agreed that this type of hug could very well be "invalidating" and "patronizing". Well, it could simply mean that someone just wants to be supportive.

I claimed that it was natural for someone to need a minimum of three hugs per day. Actually, I claimed that five to seven hugs are necessary.

We found ourselves at a local bookstore and and agreed to practice. We hugged each other in the aisles and it was sweet. She asked, what if someone didn't obtain their three hugs per day. The answer is a no brainer!

Since we need a minimum of three or more hugs per day and if we just don't receive and give them, then we can very well experience "neediness".

Please check out my website, www.idaretoheal.com, buy many books and give them to your friends, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love" and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available for counseling in San Diego from the 10th of October and available for presentations on co-dependency, MediCare Plans, and "The Affordable Care Act". Please purchase medical insurance at my website, www.healthplansinsandiego.com

Best

Joel V. BA, Education, BBA, Business Admin., M.A. Master's in Psychology, Human Behavior.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"The Dance"

"The Dance"

Often, in co-dependent relationships a "dance of neediness" exits. It's a non-verbal dance of "if and when you fill my need, I'll fill your need". The dance can be non-verbal in ones body language or it can be quite verbal. It's usually both verbal and non-verbal. It's a relationship based on insecurity and neediness. The dance is mistaken for love. It's not love, it's a disease.

Love is heart felt and comes from giving of oneself emotionally to another. Love is thoughtful and felt authentically. It can even be unconditional in its emotional quality and quantity.

The dance of neediness can be in the form of control, compliance, denial, and low self-esteem. The dance of love can be in the form of a giving, receiving, and come from the authentic self.
The dance of love is mature and giving, while the dance of neediness is inmature and self-centered. The dance of neediness comes from scarcity and dependence and the dance of love comes from abundance and a sense of self-independence, healthy, and happy!

What is your present dance?

I counsel others on co-dependent issues in San Diego. Please check out my website at www.idaretoheal.com, please purchase the books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". Please check out my other website, www.healthplansinsandiego.com. I'm a broker with many different health insurance companies. I specialize in MediCare Plans, Individual Health, Small Group Health as well.

Best
Joel V. BA, Education, BBA, Business Admin., M. A. Master's in Psychology, Human Behavior.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Loving Relationships - Three-

I wrote about having a true loving relationship. It's where both members involved can experience an openness that facilitates a supportive self-realization for each individual!
Defenses, denial, repression of events, suppress of "feelings" reflective of emotions, low-self-esteem just, just doesn't exist. It's possible with the emotional tools that I've described in past posts. The effective/efficient/disciplined use of dyad, peer counseling, (manifestations of emotional release), mirror work, tantra (learning sensuality, sexuality) are all part of the self-realization supportive process.

An authentic relationship is more than one that can be described as "traditional"! It's where both partners dare to heal their wounds and know love for, to, with, each other in doing so.

Both parties must have the will, be willing (the intention), and the willingness (the committment) to persist in addressing their issues. It most certainly requires courage. It's certainly possible to evolve the courage to go within and to cleanse by way of releasing, relinquishing, letting go, transmitting, pain energy out of the body.

The supportive loving committent from both individuals is necessary. The result is joy, contentment, peace, authentic affection, loving communication, and spiritual connection.

Please check out my website, http://www.idaretoheal.com/, purchase the two books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love" and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available for counseling on Co-dependent Issues, control, compliance, denial, low-self-esteem. Please check out my http://www.healthplansinsandiego.com/ and purchase some medical coverage. I offer MediCare Plans, Individual Health, Small Group Medical.

Best
Joel V. BA, Education BBA, Business Admin M.A. Master's Psychology, Human Behavior

Friday, September 10, 2010

Loving Relationships - Two

Loving Relationships - Two

The "fear" "control", "compliance", "denial" "low self-esteem" belief, value, trait or manipulations/patterns of one or the other partner seemingly will in some way get in the way of a relationship developing or the relationship itself.

Most people will choose "not to go there". When you choose "not to go there", it just may be denial. Actually, If and when both partners have access to, and are comfortable with multiple developmental methods (A Letter to Petra), it's then that a loving relationship is possible and probably.

The "stuck" ingrained, embedded, hard wired, deeply rooted, frozen chronic, emotions are in all ways the culprits. Some call them "the devil". Actually, they are profound intense feelings reflective of emotions. They reflect deep seated emotional trauma.

The biological needs also play a significant role in maintaining a loving relationship. One partner may not want a child while the other must have one.
Communication and agreement between the partners "should" take place before the issues manifest themselves into reality.

Please check out my website, www.idaretoheal.com and purchase my books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I counsel clients on co-dependency issues as well! I'm available to speak for fees and expenses. Please check out my website (in California) for those of you who need medical coverage at www.healthplansinsandiego.com. I passed once again my certification exam for MediCare and offer medicare plans, (supplements and advantage plans) indiviudal medical under 65, small/large medical plans for groups and prescription medication plans.

Best

Joel V. BA., Education, BBA, Business Marketing., M.A Master's Psychology of Human Behavior.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

"Powerless Over Others Behavior"

Powerless Over Others Behavior!

"I'm powerless over others and my life as become unmanageable." We begin our journey to "recovery" in Co-dependent Anonymous (twelve step group)when we begin to "acknowledge", become "aware"/"alert", to this statement. When our lives have become dysfunctional, confused, compromised, and are lives have begun to disintegrate. When the "self" has begun to disintegrate and the "self" has become vulnerable to guilt, shame, anxiety, and depression!

In the musical "Chicago", the character sings "cellophane" man. He sings a song of self abuse!

We gradually learn to "set boundaries" for ourselves (emotional, economic) and with others. We gradually commit ourselves to "set boundaries". We learn to say "NO" to others "needs" and more importantly others "neediness"! We learn to say "NO" first to ourselves. We learn to stop "fixing" others. We learn that others must "fix" themselves.

It's confusing because sometimes others "needs" are rational but sometimes others "needs" and "neediness" are irrational. We become hurt and sometimes traumatized. When we become "overwhelmed", "vulnerable", and when our economic, emotional boundaries have disintegrated, it's time to "take charge" of ourselves again, and again, again.

We begin to recreate parts of ourselves that we have lost to our disease of co-dependency. It takes time but it's most certainly worth the journey.

I've been setting boundaries in the approval of comments. If you want to promote certain websites please feel free to purchase my books through Barnes & Noble or Paypal on my website, www.idaretoheal.com. I'm available for counseling others on co-dependency issues, control, compliance, denial, and low self-esteem. I'm available to speak for a fee and expenses. Please purchase medical insurance from me at www.healthplansinsandiego.com as well.
Best
Joel V. BA, Education, BBA, Business Admin, M.A. Psychology of Human Behavior

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Power of "The Empowerment of the Hug"!

Have you ever "really" hugged someone? Did you receive a pat on the back hugging or did the person "really" take their time and were you both there for each other as you both embraced in a kind, caring, empathetic, and compassionate embrace?

Usually, one hugs with a friend, a relative, a significant other. It's unusual to hug with a stranger.
Some say we need three hugs like the one I describe above per day. While others say we need a minimum of five to seven hugs like the hug that I described above?

We definitely "need" hugs to stay emotionally healthy. Did you ever think about it in those terms. The hug as described above satisfies many significant emotional needs. The basic one being, the natural need to be touched. It just seems a no brainy but most who hug don't even think about it in that term. Humankind "needs" to just touch each other. However, there are many venues where hugging and touching are just taboo. For example, when a teacher hugs a child or when two of the similar sex hug each other.

Have you ever just stood in a circle with others and just held hands? Have you have placed your hands in a supportive position for another or they for you? How did it feel? Take a moment and think about it! Have you dared to maintain "eye" contact. Take but a moment and just look into the eye of the "eye" in the "I Dare to Heal" photo. Have you ever attempted "Dances of Universal Peace"? Dances of Universal Peace is a form of spiritual dancing, holding hands, eye contact, even hugging!

The action of the hug definitely entails a conversation in a forum!

Please check out my website, http://www.idaretoheal.com/, purchase my books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". The purchase can be made on-line by paypal or by ordering them through Barnes & Noble Booksellers. Please check out my other website, http://www.healthplansinsandiego.com/ and purhcase a plan. I'm an expert in MediCare Plans (certified to offer most companies, Medigap, Advantage, & Prescription Drugs Plans), small/large groups for medical as well. I'm available for fee and expenses to speak.

Best
Joel V. BA, Education. BBA, Business Admin, M.A. Psychology of Human Behavior.

Monday, September 6, 2010

From Anxiety to Faith!

From Anxiety to Faith!

Anxiety is a great indicator and catalyst to Faith! Often, we just do not, do not want to "feel" and process our anxiety. Anxiety is uncomfortable. However, if and when we have adequate, adequate, effective/efficient tools, cognitive, emotional, and spiritual then anxiety is an indicator that it's time to use our tools to process the feelings reflective of, of that sensation.

As we process our anxiety "enough" we begin to naturally notice that we are transforming the sensation into spiritual "faith". It's quite a remarkable transformation and therefore a remarkable transition.

Again, whatever healthy tool we use to effectively/efficiently transform our anxiety into faith is ok! If whatever is not, not, working for you to make that transformation and transition then I suggest a different tool be learned, and practiced. The tool must resonate with you.

I make rapid transformations and transition with my effective/efficient emotional tools, the manifestations of emotional release and primal. Of course, that's me.

If and When you know you are "ready" then I suggest emotional tools. Please check out the post "Letter to Petra". You'll know when you are ready. Most people who still have "patterns" are not ready. It's your choice to address your patterns or not!

Please check out my website, www.idaretoheal.com, please purchase my books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available for counseling on co-dependency issues, control, compliance, denial, and low self-esteem. Please check out my other website, www.healthplansinsandiego.com. I'm an Agent/Broker with Medical Insurance and offer MediCare Plans, Individual Health Plans, Small/Large Group Health.

Best
Joel V. BA., Education, BBA, Business Admin. M.A , Master's of Human Behavior.
"Best Practices"?

Counseling/Psychology with a therapist is a beginning and therefore it's well worth participating in sessions. However, your discernment is significant and there may just be a time, when it's time to move on.

There are so-called "Best Practices" in Counseling/Psychology. The licensed profession claim that the "Best Practices" in Counseling/Psychology are the "Best Practices" in counseling/psychology. However, "Those Best Practices" most probably are not the "Best Practices" in Human Behavior. However, The "Best Practices" in Healthy Human Behavior "are" the "Best Practices" in Healthy Human Behavior.

They are the "Best Practices" because they are based upon "Those Best Practices" that "resonate" with "Your Healthy Human Behavior" that are based upon "Best Practices" that resonate with "You". That resonate with "Your temperament, your sensitivities, your personality. That resonate and address effectively and efficiently "Your Unhealthy Patterns of Behavior". When you apply your "Best Practices" to your unhealthy behaviors, you just get better and get healthier. It's your best practices that resonate with you. You are taking responsibility.

Your "Best Practices" that resonate with you may require discipline, effectiveness, and efficiency so that they work "for you"! If your "Best Practices" are not, are not working then you need to find what works "for you"! "What works in your relationships", "what works in your intimate relationships for both of you.

It requires taking risks to "Dare to Heal". You just may have to learn how to feel the intensity of your feelings and process, process, process, process through your rigid, rigid, rigidities. It just feels, feels, feels scary. Remember, there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

My Master's in Psychology is in Human Behavior and not in Counseling/Psychology. Now, I'm thankful that my Master's is in Human Behavior and not in Counseling/Psychology. People have sufficient challenges without the inhibiting medications. Though, most certainly, there are times when medications are necessary. Use your discernment!

Please check out my website, www.idaretoheal.com, please purchase my books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available for counseling on co-dependence issues control, compliance, denial, low self-esteem. I'm available for presentations for fees and expenses. Please check out my www.healthplansinsandiego.com. I'm a Agent/Broker for MediCare Plans, Individual Health Plans, Small/Large group health plans.

Best
Joel V. BA, Education, BBA, Business Admin, M.A. Master's in Human Behavior.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Repress the Event, Suppress the Feeling!

I admit that I'm addicted to blogging. It must be the "spiritual" energy that is triggered from relinquishing, releasing, letting go of, and transmitting energies that don't serve me out of my body. I don't mean to be evasive when I say "transmitting energies that don't serve me". I'll say it in plan English. It's "anxiety" usually from overhelming stimulation that I experience in the wide world. I'm a high energy person but at the same time I'm also laid back and mellow. I understand that it's a contradiction. I do love to write and to express my thoughts and feelings. I do it well. I acknowledge all of your comments and I'm glad simply to be of service to humankind.

I encourage the wide world to develop emotional tools to help themselves to release those pain energies that come from unfulfilled needs, hurt, and trauma. If and When one experiences an event that is painful, we most certainly do not want "that" to stay "emotionally" in our bodies. Just think, does it make sense. Is it healthy? I think not. Too often, immediate distraction takes charge. We then have lost a "golden moment" to process it.

It's just not healthy. There is a natural need to immediately "process" the dissonant event emotionally! I'd like to emphasis again that we need to immediately "process" the dissonant event emotionally! I have disciplined myself to "process" emotionally painful events as soon as possible if not immediately. I use the emotional tools that I write about in this blog as well as in my books. I learned the different practices. Whatever practices works for you, I encourage you to do them.

Check out my website, www.idaretoheal.com, purchase my books "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available for counseling on co-dependency issues here in San Diego. My contact information is on my website. I'm also available to do presentations for a fee and expenses. Please check out my other website, www.healthplansinsandiego.com. I'm a licensed Agent/Broker and offer MediCare Plans, Small/Large Group Health Coverage, Individual Health Coverage as well! Those of you who read my blog in San Diego, Orange County areas contact me for medical or just sign up on-line.

Best

Joel V. BA, Education BBA, Business Admin M.A Master's in Psychology Human Behavior

Saturday, September 4, 2010

What "will" will it take?

What "will" will it take?

I just came from a support group where the participants shared the depth, degree, dimension in, in, indirectly their individual "emotional" pain.

I speak for myself when I say that it took my will, a higher powers will, and the loving will of another for my emotional walls to fall and I let go with tears and sobbing one weekend in February of 1973. I sought a way for five years for effectively move through my rigidities (the fear), and to allow it to happen.

My resistence was huge. Psycho therapists, counselors, psychiatrists have their "best practices". It's really a lot easier than "best practices". It's humbling oneself to one's will, a spiritual will, and the loving support of anothers will which allows an emotional breakthrough. It also takes a "willing" (an intention), and a "willingness" (follow through an action) to achieve the emotional breakthrough.

If and when you all read "A letter to Petra" then you will educate yourself on the different "disciplines" I've used as well, to become a being who thinks consistently "well" of himself and learn how to free oneself from different types of pain and suffering.

As President Franklin Roosevelt stated, "there is nothing to fear except fear itsef".

Please check out my website, www.idaretoheal.com, purchase my books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available for counseling on Co-dependency Issues. Please check out my website, www.healthplansinsandiego.com and purchase medical insurance right on line! I'm available for speak for a fee and expenses.

Best
Joel V. BA., Education, BBA, Business Admin. M.A. Master's of Human Behavior, Psychology.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Co-Dependence, Humor

Co-Dependency - Humor

I received the following joke from an E-mailed comment. I thought it reflected co-dependency. Normally, the "neediness" reflective of the "need" is so overwhelming in co-dependency that we profoundly feel the compulsive impulse to "react" and "respond" even though we are told, over, and over again that we definitely "should" not act upon "impulse". The following joke reflects and action taken by an individual when she was told over and over again NOT, NOT to respond or react by Mr. Harris.

Mr. Harris needed his dryer to be repaired and he hired Jane to fix it! Mr. Harris told Jane that he had a Doberman who would be at home. Mr. Harris told Jane that the Doberman was not an issue. The Doberman's name was "Gilbert". However, Mr. Harris had a Parrot and told Jane, "Under any and all circumstances and situations Jane was NOT, NOT to say, to utter, one word to the Parrot.

Jane arrived and "Gilbert" large and ferocious looking as he was sat like a tamed, and innocent puppy dog on the mat and just observed Jane repair the dryer. However, the Parrot just wouldn't keep his mouth shut. The Parrot uttered all kinds of curse words at Jane. The Parrot just wouldn't shut up. Finally, in utter frustration and "neediness" Jane spoke up and looked at the Parrot and said, "you stupid, ugly, bird, just shut your mouth"!
At hearing the comments from Jane, the parrot looked at "Gilbert", the Doberman, and said, "go get her "Gilbert".

Please check out my website, http://www.idaretoheal.com/, purchase a dozen or so books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". Give them as gifts! I'm available for counseling those of your who harbor co-dependency issues of control, compliance, denial, and low self-esteem. Please check out my other website, http://www.healthplansinsandiego.com/. You can enroll for a health plan right on-line! I'll be happy to assist you in the application process. Soon MediCare Season will be upon us. I'm certified through the National Exam to offer both the "Advantage" and "Supplement" programs. I have several MediCare/MediCal programs as well!

Best
Joel V. BA., Education, BBA Business Admin., M.A. Masters in Psychology, Human Behavior

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Gaining Exposure - Two

Gaining Exposure - Two

I'm glad this blog, "I Dare to Heal" is becoming popular. It's always been my goal to help people to help themselves. There is a real need for people to help themselves. There is a real, real need for alternative methods of healing. There is a real need to gain "insight" into healing self, relationships, and finding contentment within. There is a real need for compassionate self-love and spiritual empowerment.

I'm happy to approve your comments along with your websites and your messages. Once again, I ask that I am notified and my books purchased. Please refer to my August 30th 2010 post titled "Gaining Exposure/Promoting Your Service/Product on my Blog.

I have my Master's in Psychology in Human Behavior (www.idaretoheal.com), and counsel clients on Co-dependence Issues, control, compliance, denial, and low self-esteem here in San Diego or even by phone. In addition, I have a website, www.healthplansinsandiego.com where you can purchase medical insurance right on-line. However, I recommend that I help you fill out the application. Some applications are 24 pages in length and have complicated underwriting requirements.

Best

Joel V. BA., Education, BBA., Business Admin., M.A. Psychology of Human Behavior.

The Yawn!

The Yawn!

Have you ever been bored or overtired? Did you begin to "yawn"? Well, you naturally begin to yawn. Did you ever think about what you were doing if and when you begin yawning? The yawn is a release, relinquishment, a letting go, transmitting "tension" from yourself out into the wide world! The "yawn" is a manifestation of emotional release.

Well, if and when you breath in and connect with deeper tension and release with the yawn; the yawn becomes deeper and longer. There is a greater release, relinquishment, a letting go, and trasmitting a more.... profounder.... tension by way of the yawn out of the body. If and when you do it again, and again, and again for lets say two minutes; there is a greater release of tension.

When you gradually, gradually, increase the number of minutes and continue to pull oxygen into your body and release your tension over a longer yawn, it's then you begin to arrive at even a more profounder release of tension. You can also do this with profounder hurts and yes even profound embedded, deeply rooted, hard wired, ingrained, genetically coded traumas. It can be physical, emotionally, or pain reflective of unfulfilled needs.

It's great do use it when you encounter traffic on the freeway or when you are awaken at night by a nightmare and just need to get the "fear" out of your body. If and when you do enough of the connecting and release of the tension; your mind, body, soul, and spirit will undergo a natural relaxation. You will also experience personal growth, clarity, and self-realization.

The yawn is but one example of a manifestation of emotional release. I will be writing in detail about others in the future. Now that I've described it, perhaps you have the willingness to practice it?

In fact the word "yawn"; the action of yawning is a way of connecting with the spiritual power "Yaweh".

Check out my website, http://www.idaretoheal.com/, be kind enough to purchase my books, I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available for private counseling on co-dependency issues. Contact info is on my website. Check out my website, http://www.healthplansinsandiego.com/ and purchase some medical insurance right on line!

Best

Joel V BA, Education, BBA Business Admin M.A. Psychology of Human Behavior.