Sunday, June 19, 2011

Victim, Guilt, Dumping From Others, From Yourself!

Victim, Guilt, Dumping From Others, From Yourself!

Setting External Boundaries.

Have you ever felt like a victim. Has someone dumped their nonsense on you. Have you bought into it and experienced guilt. The guilt is destructive to the self. It can result in a sense of neediness. The guilt and the neediness result in a upset of and to the self. It causes a disconnect to the self. It can result in an emotional disconnect of mind, body, and spirit. It can cause a lack of your own self-acceptance and self-esteem. Well, the solution is to set boundaries and to assert yourself with the person who is dumping on you. The boundaries must be internal as well. We say "stop" to our internalizing any judgments we have about ourselves.

Perhaps you say that it's not so easy to set boundaries with others? If you say so then guaranteed the person who was dumping "knew" that you were emotionally vulnerable. Most likely, they intuitively knew that they could dump on you. Most likely, they picked up on your vulnerability because of their own insecurity. The picked up on it because they too are frightened insecure little girls or boys as well. They have a control pattern that perpetuates their own low self-esteem onto others through their invalidation and put-downs.

I have a friend whose former significant other grow up as a spoiled brat. Everything was given to them. They didn't have to work for things. They expected to be catered to. They expected to receive. They needed to go within and address their unfulfilled need for self-discipline and structure that was never imprinted, ingrained, and embedded within themselves. We must learn to set boundaries with these individuals and we must learn to assert our voices.

Some patterns begin at birth as trauma and expand lifelong. It's tough to determine that they are birth traumas unless one has effectively addressed them on an on-going basis. However, it can become clear in time as a pattern repeats itself and one becomes aware of the carriers story.

Setting Internal Boundaries.

It's important to stay alert and aware of your unfulfilled needs. Unfulfilled needs can trigger frustrations which in term can cause internalized self-anger, upset, and lower self-esteem. When we stay alert and aware of our unfulfilled needs we can address them by asking for support, by using our flexible intelligence and finding alternatives. Knee jerk self-defeating, internalized anger can only add fuel to a beginning fire. If and when we have self-discipline we can address immediately our unfulfilled needs by setting internal boundaries. We can use methods that resonate with us that puts a stop to emotional self-defeating emotions. We can also use our flexible intelligence to find alternatives in filling our unfulfilled needs.

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Joel V. BA. Education, BBA. Business Admin, M.A. Masters of Psychology, Human Behavior.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Bi-Polar Relationship

The Bi-Polar Relationship

My friend received an eviction notice because of the behavior of their significant other at their rented residence. They had lived at their present residence for many, many years. My friend is a very solid, anchored in themselves as an individual. The significant other has bi-polar, schizophrenic mental illness. The significant other has had manic episodes over the years and the residents have been very patient with the behaviors. My friend has been through a great deal of emotional ups and downs over the past decades because of the behaviors of their partner. I have the greatest compassion for both of them.

It's important for a significant other to realize early on in a relationship the grief that a/ their partner can cause them because of manic behaviors. It's important for a significant other to decide early on whether or not to continue in a relationship with a diagnosed bi-polar schizophrenic. Love is a powerful motivating emotion that can keep individuals together. The power of loneliness is yet another.

Fortunately, spirit has a solution. A loving Spirit/God doesn't want a human being to suffer with pain in a partnership. A loving Spirit/God doesn't want a human being to "endure" pain and suffering. Enduring pain/suffering is self-destructive/self-defeating and truly unkind to self!

The use of the circular connected breath the attitude/mindset of connection, the attitude/mindset of sigh/surrender/release, the attitude/mindset of doing it again, the eleven manifestations of emotional release, the access to the pain by way of primal sound and a deepening connection with a loving higher power is a solution. Prayer is yet another way to learn transcendence and transformation of pain/suffering and experience serenity in a chosen relationship with a partner.

Please take a moment to check out my books on the side panel, purchase many of them through Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Amazon, Amazon Kindle. I'm available for counseling/consulting/presentations as well. Please donate to the sites including

Joel V. BA. Education, BBA. Business Admin, M.A. Master's Psychology, Human Behavior