Intimate Relationships - The Right Fit

Intimate Relationships - The Right Fit

Do you have the right fit in your intimate relationship? Do you complement each other or do you comply, fix, control, please, each other? If and when you are most of the time complying, fixing, controlling, and pleasing your significant other; that's co-dependency.

When you communicate with each other is it reactive or is your communication responsive? Are you somewhat or highly co-dependent in your relationship. Are you both as one with yourselves as possible and communicate with each other for the most part as whole human beings?

If your communication is reactive then your communication comes from suppressed feelings, hurt, unfulfilled needs, and traumatized feelings reflective of emotions that have taken the form of unaware unhealthy behavior patterns that result in reactions to each other. The reactions are unhealthy and mostly likely cause conflict and unhappiness.

Many people just stay in these relationships usually because of their fear which prevents them from leaving them. There are few individuals in these reactive relationships that decide to reach out and seek clarity as to why they react to each other and not respond to each other. Usually, the reason is suppressed feelings of the emotion of fear.

There are several reasons for reactive relationships. For one, participants have fallen into the pattern of reflecting each others neediness with the hope of filling their unfulfilled needs. For two, the pattern of reaction has become common place, compulsive, imprinted, ingrained, and hard wired. The participants are just use to reacting to each other instead of recognizing the need to go within and address their unfulfilled needs. Also, people are afraid of becoming lonely or just experiencing solitud and the pain that bubbles up from its experience. They would rather stay in an unhealthy releationship.

In any healthy relationship the partners recognize, acknowledge the existence of issues. Partners learn about their own issues. They stay alert, and aware of their own issues and find ways to effectively, efficiently, with discipline to process them again, again, again, and again. If and when issues are to be resolved; the feelings reflective of the emotions underlying the issues most be processed with zest and enthusiasm!

Unfortuntely, denial is just too common. It seems to be the rule and common to the human experience. Humankind compensates for reality by small talk, by displacing their feelings reflective of their aunthentic emotions with inauthentic behaviors. It's just easier to stay unreal instead of addressing feelings reflective of emotions that reflect issues.

What is your personality dynamic with yourself and in your relationship with others. Do you come from a loving space of kindness in setting boundaries for yourself and other? Are you consistent in your processing your stess and distress so that you stay connected to your higher power? These are just some questions for you to ponder.

Please check out and purchase my books on the side panel. I'm available for presentations, for fees, and expenses or counseling over the phone at 619-584-8093.

Best
Joel V. BA. Education, BBA. Business Admin. M.A. Masters in Psychology, Human Behavior.