The Pleasers, Compliers, Fixers

The Pleasers, Compliers, Fixers

There are times when I just cannot help but to write, write, write. If you have read any of my posts then you would understand that I'm addicted to writing. I'm sure as addictions go writing is a healthy and positive addiction, wouldn't you agree?

There are four main categories of co-dependency, controllers, compliers, those who are in denial, and low self-esteemers. I've written about controllers and now it's time for the pleasers, compliers, and fixers.

Compliance Patterns:
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I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
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I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
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I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
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I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
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I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
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I accept sex when I want love.

copied from the Co-dependents Anonymous website

The above compliance, pleasers, fixers patterns are but the tip of the iceberg. Humankind "buy into" patterns of compliance because of a variety of reasons. Again, a human being can be "very needy" and complies, or is willing to please or strives to fix a situation or circumstance to "make it ok" and delusionary or illusionary make themselves ok?

It may just be a "normal" pattern of behavior that was learned in the family of origin or a pattern that a person was exposed to again, again, and again. They learned just to "accept" that it is "just" the way it "should" be or "suppose" to be. It may be a learned unconscious belief, value, or even a genetically coded human "trait". It may be a hurt or trauma that has it's basis that began because of fear of an authority/authoritarian figure. It may be the result of experiencing a "survival" lifestyle and therefore a pattern that came about because of necessity. There can be many, many, reasons. Whatever the reasons may be the pattern causes low-self esteem.

Some may be aware/alert to being a pleaser, complier, and fixer. Some may not even be conscious of it because they "Accept" it, the pattern as part of themselves or "Self-Evident"? Well it's a pattern that is "Self-Destructive" and the pleaser, complier, fixer suppresses his/her painful feelings reflective of their emotions, anger through rage, fear through terror, and sadness through grief. The feelings reflective of the emotions are suppressed and the "self" suffers. It's no fun!

The individual may experience anxiety and/or depression. Happiness and Self becomes elusive. The human being may sense that they are "lost". Life is not what it seems to be. Can you relate?

PLease check out my website at http://www.idaretoheal.com/, purchase my books, "I Dare to Heal with Compassionate Love", and "I Dare to Heal with Spiritual Power". I'm available to counsel others on their co-dependency issues. Donations to the website and made 0ut to Life's Breath Publications and Ministries are accepted for my posts and professional services. My contact info in on my website.

Best
Joel V BA, Education, BBA, Business Admin, M.A. Psychology of Human Behavior.